If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
