You just made me feel so damn special
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
