I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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