i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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