yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
