The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
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I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
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you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have already put on my inside pants.
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