Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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