I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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