is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
