This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
