I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
