Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Randomize
