I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
