She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
