Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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