In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
