Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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