Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
