Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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