Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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