Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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