ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize