Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
