i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
