Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
