Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
