mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i drank out of a bidet.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
