if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
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I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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