From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
