why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
