I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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