I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i think i have two assholes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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