She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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