porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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