I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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