the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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