The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm both gender and math confused
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