so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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