i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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