highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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