If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
