The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
