I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
