Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
