What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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