final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
