she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
