When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
