id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
