At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
