So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
