is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
