she woke up with a sticky ear
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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