how can u be prego again
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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