Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
