woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
