So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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