??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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