you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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