it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
