reminds me of losing my job
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name