ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
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I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy