I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
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I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?