Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
