after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dating After Heartbreak
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on