I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.