Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
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I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
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Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?