Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week