3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
