just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
