omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
