You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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