is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
