things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
