i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
