Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
